


bird set free

by angelsprunch



Category: IT (2017), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Angst, Eating Disorder, M/M, Self Harm, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-24
Updated: 2017-12-24
Packaged: 2019-02-19 08:50:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,716
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13120320
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angelsprunch/pseuds/angelsprunch
Summary: richie and stan both have a hard time making friends. until they meet each other.





	bird set free

**Author's Note:**

> i left the ending kinda open for interpretation because i hate commitment

In preschool Richie spent a lot of trouble in time out. It would be for anything from fidgeting when the teacher was talking or messing with his friends on the playground. People didn’t like playing with Richie because he could never concentrate on one thing for long and the other kids had a hard time keeping up with him. He spent a lot of time on his own as a result of this, flitting about the playground in an attempt to find anyone to play with him. Stanley would sit at the picnic table with his bird book while the other kids played. He couldn’t read, yet, but he’d see if he could identify birds from the pictures in his book. The farther away he was from the cacophony of children, the happier he was. Stan didn’t like playing with the other kids because they were too loud and their games were too juvenile for his taste. This wasn’t a huge loss to any of the kids because they tended to get frustrated with how he tried to dictate their games. 

 

One day Richie was running around the playground because a teacher told him to do laps so he could burn off some energy and so that he would stop throwing mulch at a group of girls. As Richie was running, he spotted a boy that seemed different from the rest. He slowed down and sat beside the strange boy, pushing his glasses up on his nose. Stan turned when he felt someone beside him and saw a boy with wild hair, a mess of freckles, and glasses that were both too big for his face and covered in fingerprints. Everything about this boy screamed dirty and Stan suddenly only cared about getting away from him. However, the boy looked at Stan in a way he’s never been looked at before. 

 

“What are you doing?” he asked, studying Stan carefully.

 

“I was watching the birds. You probably just scared them all away.”

 

“I scare a lot of things away. I think whenever I go into a room, I scare everyone out of it.”

 

“Maybe.”

 

“Do you want to play with me?”

 

“No.”

 

“Can I sit here with you?”

 

“If you’re quiet and don’t touch me.”

 

“Okay.”

 

It was the longest that Richie had ever gone without speaking. The teacher got worried when she didn’t see or hear the boy and she was surprised when she saw the two sitting side by side. She didn’t say anything about it, though, hoping that the two would be a good influence on each other. Stanley and Richie seemed to click that day and while Richie couldn’t always be quiet enough to sit next to him, they always found each other. Eventually Stan would play with Richie and sometimes they would argue over how they should play. Stan thought that Richie’s games were too childish while Richie thought that Stan was too uptight. Sometimes Stan would give in to Richie and other times Richie would give into Stan. The two were too stubborn to just give up on the other, though. They didn’t have any other friends to go to and now that they got the taste of having someone else to be around, they didn’t want to go back to being alone.

 

In first grade, Richie was throwing mulch at some kids when a boy with a stutter threw mulch back at Richie. Stan wanted to laugh, but he was mad that someone else was doing this to Richie. He was the only one that was allowed to bother Richie like this and he got up from his spot by the woods and grabbed the taller boy’s shoulder. Richie looked confused at what Stan was doing but he was more concerned at getting the mulch out of his hair. 

 

“What are you doing?”

 

“H-he was throwing st-stuff at my friend.”

 

“Well, don’t throw it back. You’re just as bad as him!”

 

“Hey! I’m not bad!” Richie yelled, shooting a scowl at his best friend.

 

“It isn’t good to throw mulch at people.”

 

“Everyone is just a pussy.”

 

“I’m not a pussy!” came a higher pitched voice. Stan turned to see a boy that was smaller than all of them and mulch in his hair. He had seen this boy around before, typically getting picked on by the older kids. Stan realized that the two new boys were friends and he sighed. “If you tell Richie to stop, he will.” Stan explained, walking over to Richie so he could clean the dirt off of his friends glasses. The two boys exchanged a look and Richie looked at his feet while Stan cleaned his glasses. 

 

“People d-don’t usually st-stop when we ask them to.” Bill had mumbled, helping his friend get the dirt off his clothes.

 

“Well, we’re better than other people.” Richie piped up. He felt Stan slide his glasses back onto his face and he smiled at his friend. After that, the four boys banded together. Eddie would keep Stan company while Bill and Richie got dirty on the playground. Sometimes Eddie would get bored with Stan and go play with the others and sometimes Bill would get tired of Richie and sit with Stan. Other times, Richie would need to calm down and he’d ask Stan to tell him which birds were which. Richie even tried mimicking bird noises much to Stan’s amusement.

 

When they got older, three more people joined their little ragtag group. Ben brought order to the group and Stan enjoyed sitting in the library with him. He seemed to be another calming presence for Richie, but he also seemed to get the least annoyed by Richie’s antics. Sometimes Stan wondered if Richie was wondering how far he could push the new kid before he snapped. The longer he knew Ben, though, the more he realized that the heavier boy was so starved for affection that he’d do anything for a friend. Beverly Marsh also joined their group and it brought a wave of jealousy over Stan. Sure, he loved Bev as much as the others. Or, he loved Bev as much as Eddie did. Bill and Richie seemed to be in love with her and Stan worried that he was going to lose two of his best friends to the girl with red hair. Ben was in love with her, too, but Stan knew that they’d never lose that friendship.

 

Beverly was nice. She was dirty like the other boys, but she seemed to genuinely care about their little group. Stan liked to sit with her and listen to her talk about the others, but he hated listening to Richie talk about her. Richie insisted that she smoked the best cigarettes and that she always dressed the best. This struck Stan particularly hard because he was the only one with clothes that didn’t have holes or stains. He thought he was the best dressed out of their group, but he never commented. He would just sit and listen while Richie chainsmoked beside him. Stan was too young to understand why he was getting jealous.

 

They met Mike, too, and he was welcomed into the group with open arms. Stan felt like he clicked with Mike in a special way. It wasn’t the way that he clicked with Richie, but it was still special. Mike was quiet and he knew a lot. He knew just when to speak and when to be quiet. He seemed to be able to pick up on the dynamic of the group quicker than anyone else. Mike knew a lot about the town and he seemed to understand people very well. It felt like Mike knew exactly what each loser needed and he knew how to be that for everyone. Stan loved talking to Mike and when things got especially hard, he went to Mike first. Stan wanted to go to Richie, but he didn’t want to worry his best friend. Mike would get worried, but Mike also listened and let Stan let everything out. Stan felt safe with Mike and sometimes he’d forget about the jealousy bubbling in his chest when he saw the way that Richie would pinch Eddie’s cheeks or the hickeys on his neck from Beverly.

 

They were in high school when Stan’s mental health took a turn for the worst. He stopped going to Mike and started keeping it all inside. He was supposed to be an adult now and Stan didn’t want to admit how hard it was to be an adult. It seemed like all of his friends had it under control and what especially confused him was how easily they adjusted to this life despite how childish they could be. They seemed just as happy as when they were kids and now Stan only felt happy when he was carving into his skin. He hated the blood, but something about being in control kept bringing him back to hurting himself. Stan felt so out of control with his life that he started to control any aspect he could. He stopped eating and he kept harming himself. There was a sense of peace in knowing that he could end his life at any moment he wished.

 

“Why the fuck are you wearing long sleeves? It’s about a million degrees out, Stanley.”

 

“Because I want to. I feel fine, Richie.”

 

“You’re sweating.”

 

“No, I’m not.”

 

“Sure, okay. Are you going to come swimming with us?”

 

“No. I need to head back home.”

 

“Why? I know you already did all your chores. You never swim with us anymore.”

 

“I don’t want to.”

 

“Stan, what is going on with you? You’ve been acting weird.”

 

“I have not. I’m going home.”

 

Richie reached out and grabbed Stan’s arm, shooting him a stern look. There was a small pout settled on Richie’s lips and Stan knew that he wasn’t going to get out of this without giving Richie some sort of answer. He didn’t want his friend to know how weak he felt, how out of control he was with his own life. It was hard enough knowing that he felt this way, but letting his best friend know? That would be the hardest thing Stan ever had to do. He knew it would worry Richie ridiculously and he didn’t want the other boy trying to fix him.

 

“I’ve just been having a hard time lately.”

 

“Then talk to me, Stanley.”

 

“It isn’t that easy, Chee.” he mumbled, the childhood nickname falling from his lips. Stan’s eyes fell to Richie’s hand on his wrist and he sighed. Richie’s fingers easily closed around his small arm and Stan wondered if the others noticed how small he had gotten. Richie followed Stan’s eyes and he frowned. 

 

“We’re best friends. You were the first friend I ever made. You can tell me anything.”

 

“I don’t want you to be worried.”

 

“I’m already fucking worried. I don’t want to lose you.”

 

“You won’t.”

 

“Do you promise?”

 

“No…” 

Richie frowned and pulled Stan closer. He wrapped his arms around Stanley’s shoulders and Stan wrapped his arms around Richie. The two stood like that for a few moments and it was there, wrapped up in Richie’s arms that he realized his feelings for Richie went beyond friendship. The way he felt when he saw Richie with Beverly or Eddie suddenly made sense and it was almost too much for the brunet. He pulled away from Richie and started to head back towards his bike. 

 

“Stanley! Where are you going?”

 

“I need to go home.”

 

“I know where you live. I’ll just follow your ass!”

 

Stan simply shook his head and mounted his bike. He looked down and saw Richie standing there, staring at him. Behind Richie, Stan could see Mike watching what went down. There was a knowing look in Mike’s eyes and Stan wondered how long Mike knew that Stan was in love with his best friend. Eddie, Bill, and Ben were already in the water and Beverly was taking off her dress so she could follow them in. Stan bit his lip and started to pedal away. He was in love with his best friend, but he couldn’t say it. Richie would never feel the same way and Stan couldn’t face the heartbreak of losing his best friend. 

 

It took a few days before Stan came back around. There was a different look in Richie’s eyes and Stan found it hard to meet them. Richie’s gaze would linger on Stan and he’d feel his skin crawl under Richie’s gaze. Stan hated the way that Richie looked at him now because it always felt like they were the only two in the room. Whenever the two would touch he would feel like he got burnt. By senior year, the two hardly spoke. It was too much for Stan to handle and he tried not to think about it. Richie’s heart broke whenever he saw Stan sitting alone, now. He wanted more than anything to go sit next to his childhood best friend and ask where things went wrong.

 

A few weeks before graduation, Mike had spoken to him. That was when Richie found out how Stan felt. A wave of emotions overcame Richie and he suddenly felt angry at all the time the two had lost. Richie hugged Mike, but also scowled when he asked why Mike kept this a secret for so long. Mike didn’t have an answer and he watched as Richie got on his bike with a bad feeling in his stomach. Richie pedaled away and Mike had a feeling that something very bad was about to happen.

 

While Richie headed to Stan’s house, Stan was sitting at the top of his roof. His thin arms were crossed behind his head as he watched the clouds above. At this high up, he often wondered what it would be like if he jumped down. He wondered how free he would feel for the few seconds he was airborne. Stan would watch the birds with such jealousy because every day they would have that free feeling. Birds could go wherever they wanted when they wanted while Stan was stuck in this shitty town with these shittty feelings that wouldn’t go away.

 

Richie jumped off his bike and it clattered to the ground in the Uris’s front lawn. He could see Stan on the roof and his heart dropped. Stan looked so small and he honestly believed that if the wind blew hard enough it would take Stan with it. Richie walked closer to the house and cupped his hands around his mouth as he shouted. “Stan! Get down here!”

 

Startled, Stan shifted on his spot so he was sitting up and looked down at his best friend. “Go home, Richie.”

 

“No. You’re my best fucking friend. It’s been too long since we spoke.”

 

“We’re better off not talking.”

 

“No we fucking aren’t.”

 

“Chee… go home.”

 

“I will go up there myself.”

 

“We shouldn’t be friends anymore.”

 

“Well, too bad! You’re always going to be my best friend.”

 

“Not if you knew everything going on.”

 

“I know enough to know that you’re the best thing in my life.”

 

“You don’t know anything.”

 

“That isn’t the first time I heard that.”

 

Stan was now moving so he was standing on the roof. He was close enough to the edge that if he wasn’t careful he could fall. He was starting to hope that he’d lose his footing and this would all be over. He wasn’t in control of anything. Stan couldn’t suppress his feelings and the more he looked at Richie, the more he realized he’d always love his best friend.

 

“Stan, I love you.”

 

“Chee, please.”

 

“I mean it! Now get down here! I fucking miss you.”

 

Stan glanced at the sky where the birds were flying overhead. He could hear the birds in the trees and he wanted more than anything to be free. He wanted to be free from all of this, but Stan knew it wasn’t that easy. He knew he couldn’t do that in front of Richie. Nothing felt right, though. 

 

“Richie, I can’t…”

 

Richie was yelling something, but it got lost as the wind blew. The wind blew and Stan wondered if it could take him with it.


End file.
